Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
