K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
