you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
