Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
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Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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