I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
