she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
