so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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