So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
