and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think people are normalizing furries
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
