Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You may now shotgun with the bride
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
