There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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