Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
