So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
