watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
