:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
