He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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