I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
