Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Acid is not a monday night drug
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You have to summon your inner elephant
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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