I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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