I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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