Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house