the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
