so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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