guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
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he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
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I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
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