I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
