he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
