Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
