On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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