Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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