Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
