guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
