she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
