you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
