She's JV to your varsity
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
