Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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