i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
