dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
