I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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