I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
