I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
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I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
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There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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