he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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