he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
