There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
