This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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