dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize