Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
