Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
