drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
