so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
