Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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