I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
