you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
