my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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