We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
