you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
