Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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