i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
