heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
