she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
