oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize