names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
