I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
