Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
