I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
