I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
