that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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