I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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